Funniest saying. Need a good laugh? Check out these 76 funny quotes and funny pictures to help you get through today. These Short funny quotes & images will seriously make you laugh out loud!
Enjoy Life Quotes. Sometimes we have to see the funny side of life in order to keep going. With so much humor in the world, we’ve collected some hilarious life quotes from a wide range of funny quotes. I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
looking for the bestshort funnypictures quotes andimages Sayingsabout life, friends, love & family with Images. Inspirationalfunnyquotes from movies for Facebook & Tumblr.
Funny Quotes and Sayings
Best quotes about funny and Sayings “Your secrets are safe with me… I wasn’t even listening. If you don’t like me, remember its mind over matter. I don’t mind and you don’t matter.”
1. “My friend thinks he s smart. He said onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut on his face. ”
2. “If you ran like your mouth, You’d be in good shape.”
3. “Never let anyone treat you like regular glue. You’re glitter glue.”
4. “How do I like my eggs? UMM, in a cake.”
5. “I just wanna lay next to you And listen to the beat of your heart I just wanna close my eyes And fall asleep in your arms I just wanna feel you And just forget the world ”
6. “I tried to embrace my inner child today and the little asshole bit me”
7. “Do you know why birds sing in the mornings? Because they don’t have to go to f*cking work.”
8. “To me ‘drink responsibly’ means don’t spill it.”
9. “If girls always treated each other like we do when we’re drunk in the girl’s bathroom then the world would be a much happier place.”
10. “You live, learn, and upgrade.”
11. “Life is full of disappointments and I just added you to the list.”
12. “When you’re at the checkout line and they ask you if you found everything, say, “Why, are you hiding stuff?””
13. “Life is a soup and I’m a fork”
14. “Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.”
15. “Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.”
16. “Oh, I’m sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”
17. “Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.”
18. “My heart says chocolate and wine but my jeans say, for the love of god women, eat a salad.”
19. “Saying to your friends, “If we get caught, here’s the story…””
20. “I love pandas, they’re so chill. They’re like: “Dude, racism is stupid. I’m white, black, and Asian”.”
21. “The short answer is no. The long answer is oh f*ck no.”
22. “You talk so much sh*t I don’t know whether to offer you a breath mint or toilet paper”
23. “Stay single until someone actually compliments your life in a way that makes it better not to be single. If not, it’s not worth it.”
24. “When something goes wrong in your life, just yell, “Plot Twist!” and move on.”
25. “I’m a pretty nice person, but I also realize that if there were and asshole championship, I would place respectfully in my weight division.”
26. “If you have an opinion about my life, please raise your hand. Now put it over your mouth.”
27. “You know you’re old anytime you’re entering your DOB with a smartphone you get to the year and you have to spin that bitch like you’re on wheel of fortune.”
Best Funniest quotes and sayings
Looking for the mostfunny quotestoday. You’ll discover the funniest lines ever on friends, family, love, women, men, fun (with great images). “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d put poison in your coffee. If you were my wife, I’d drink it.” – Winston Churchill funny quote
28. “If I send you my ugly selfies, our friendship is real.”
29. “I didn’t sleep well last night so I made my coffee this morning with red bull instead of water. I got half way to work before I realized I forgot my car.”
30. “Super cali swagilistic sexy hella dopeness”
31. “When you clean the kitchen and ten minutes later the sink is full of dishes”
32. “I don’t understand why people have to ‘get ready’ for bed… I’m always ready for bed!”
33. “I may not be perfect but atleast I’m not you”
34. “What starts with ‘P’ and ends with ‘ORN’? Popcorn perv.”
35. “Let’s be nice to everyone, today. Just kidding, f*ck off idiots.”
36. “Welcome to the dark side, where all the fun stuff happens.”
37. “I don’t understand you. I don’t speak assholian.”
38. “My great grandma started giggling at a barbecue and when I asked what’s funny, she said “everyone here is alive because I got laid””
39. “I hope you step on a lego”
40. “Tough situations build strong people.”
41. “Isn’t it funny how red, white & blue represent freedom…. Until they’re flashing behind you.”
42. “If you’re wrong and you shut up, you’re wise. If you’re right and you shut up, you’re married.”
43. “Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.”
44. “There is no “We” in chocolate.”
45. “If we’re ever in a situation where I am the “Voice of reason” then we are in a very very bad situation.”
46. “Me: I’m going to bed early tonight. Me: Me: is that the sun”
47. “My therapist told me: the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake I feel better already.”
48. “My teacher pointed me with his ruler and said: “At the end of this ruler there’s an idiot!” I got detention after asking which end.”
49. “Who the f*ck took my… Oh, here it is…”
50. “Somewhere, somebody out there is thinking of you and the tremendous impact you’ve made on their life. It isn’t me… I think you’re a f*cking idiot.”
Fun life quotes
51. “Some days you eat salads and go to the gym, some days you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. Its called balance.”
52. “Every time we try to eat healthily, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday or Tuesday and ruins it for us.”
53. “Sometimes, I use big words I don’t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.”
54. “I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile. Then walk into a pole.”
55. “The best memories come from bad ideas done with best friends.”
56. “A cop pulled me over and said “Papers…” I said “Scissors, I win!” and drove off.”
57. “If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money?”
58. “The human body is 90% water so we’re basically just cucumbers with anxiety.”
59. “The most dangerous animal in the world… Is a smiling woman sitting in silence”
60. “My mind is like my internet browser 19 tabs open 3 of them are frozen & I have no idea where the music is coming from”
61. “It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.”
62. “I almost gave a f*ck scared the sh*t out myself..”
63. “When I get a headache, I take two asprin and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.”
64. “You call them swear words. I call them sentence enhancers.”
65. “Lache mit vielen, aber vertraue wenigen”
66. “The fact that there’s a highway to hell and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic numbers.”
67. “There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Those who are good at math, and those who aren’t.”
68. “Teacher: The test is very easy. Me: Duh, you already know the answers.”
69. “Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off”
70. “Finally the fourth ape! He is the sum of the first three: He sees nobody, hears nobody and speaks to nobody.”
71. “Back off. I have a sister and I’m not afraid to use her!”
72. “Sometimes I get road rage walking behind people in the grocery store.”
73. “I never dreamed I’d grow up to be an asshole but here I am killin’it”
74. “No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together.”
75. “Ice bank mice elf say it out loud”
76. “I am sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes”
Read More:
56 Minions Quotes to Reignite Your Love
38 Cool Funny Quotes Life
Top 28 Funniest Minions Memes
